You're welcome Stuyvesant. We here at Stuycom acknowledge our responsibility for ending the fires at Stuy and would like to thank the silly, silly child(ren) whose passion for arson has been duly sated by our plea for a return to normalcy at Stuyvesant. When the student body cried out for a savior we heeded the call.
Thanks to us, male students can relieve themselves anywhere they like, whenever they like. So pee free my friends, for We have succeeded. If it weren't for our conducting a poll among the NYPD determining the potential results of a school-wide lockdown, the cops might never have realized its futility in time to stop Mr. Teitel. If it weren't for our universal condemnation of the "dumbass[es]" behind this, Stuy might have burned down, or worse, we might have had cellphone checks implemented upon evacuation of the building. The list of calamity averted goes on. So what it really comes down to is this; there's no need to thank us Stuyvesant, because we've already thanked ourselves.
stuyvesant's first ever winter carnival will be taking place on friday, december 11th in the cafeteria after school. many of stuyvesant's clubs and pubs will be represented with food, games, and other activities. admission is $5, all grades are welcome and encouraged to attend.
After tenth on Friday, I had to make my way from the second floor to the tenth floor. After getting kicked off of the elevator I had to try my luck with the escalators. Not one escalator, even or odd, up or down, was running. I understand that I should not expect much of the escalators after tenth, but there has been a trend this year of not working escalators during all times of the day. Now some people may blame the dumb freshman who are breaking them, but I do not. They are dumb freshmen, they don't know any better. I blame the upperclassmen for letting this crime go unpunished. Just the other day, I was at the bottom of a working escalator when some dumb freshman at the top broke it. There were several seniors standing nearby, but they did not do anything to punish this dumb freshman. We, as upperclassmen, should be ashamed of ourselves. There once was a day at Stuy when dumb freshmen were scared to commit their dumb deeds. That needs to return. I am asking my fellow classmates to step up and tackle dumb freshmen who break escalators.
That is all,
-Jackson
P.S. While were on the subject, when is a new Broken Escalator gonna come out? I blame sarahmorgancohensmith (happy?). If you see her, yell at her.
We all know that lately stuy has been having some difficulty not being on fire. If you haven't been around let me quickly fill you in. Over the past few weeks an arsonist has set around ten fires. Most of them were in boys bathrooms although some have been in hallways and stairwells. The school has been evacuated three times. Last week, one kid was arrested as a suspect because he was seen on security cameras leaving the bathrooms after the fires. Today, there was a faculty meeting in the lecture hall a after 9th and 10th. I've gathered the following of what the teachers were told:
Starting Monday, the school will be in "lockdown." During free periods, we will have two minutes to get to either the theater or the cafeteria where we must remain for the period.
Hall passes will be required to leave the classroom.
The library will be closed.
After school activities are banned until further notice. This could include sing!
I have heard different rumors about lunch but it looks like we will still be able to go out for lunch
There are a lot of dumb people in our school, but a few of them need to be addressed.
First of all, I read on a facebook group in support of the boy that was arrested that some people believe that this student was framed by Mr. Teitel because of his race. If you honestly believe this, you are a dumbass. Stop making up conspiracies, no one gives a shit.
Secondly, I have heard rumors that the more recent fires were done to prove that the current suspect is innocent. If you believe this, you are a dumbass. I do not need to explain why that makes no sense. Stop talking, no one gives a shit
Lastly, if you are the arsonist, you are a dumbass. Stop starting fires, no one gives a shit.
And our tall freshman challenge come to a close!
It was a tight race, but Diane Forrest edged out Ellie Oates by just 12 votes, with a score of 85-73, giving her 53.8% and the victory.
We send out our congratulations!
Unfortunately, I have never met this girl, so if you know her, tell her I said congrats.
By virtue of this victory, she has earned herself a berth in our upcoming Bangkok Tournament!
If you were a staunch supporter of Ellie Oates, you can set up a possible rematch by submitting her as a contestant!
Even though Dan got left back, stuycom is under new management!
Get ready for a better stuycom!
Abie Sidell, Ben Garner, Jackson Maslow, Michael Silverblatt, and occasionally Alex Genshaft (but he doesn't matter) are taking over.
Login to see upcoming events and vote in the either/or.
Also, CONTACT ME if you find things that aren't working or have ideas! You will get mad props!
